Finding Love: Encore

It’s December and the year will, in a few short weeks, come to a close. I’ve had time to reflect on the many things I had experienced this year: the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations, and the tears and the laughter.

This year, so far, had been memorable. Mainly because of him.

I shall say this again: I am a hopeless romantic.

I’d have stars in my eyes whenever I would watch romantic movies. I dreamed of dashing knights in armor and charming princes to sweep me off my slippered feet. I buried myself in every fairy tale story that I could get my hands on with a voracious hunger that was insatiable. As I got on in years, those fairy tales upgraded into historical romances set in England. Whether it be set during the Middle Ages or the 19th Century, I devoured them all, hoping one day my own Mr. Darcy–and true love–would come.

As I flitted from one serious relationship to another, chasing that elusive thing called True Love, the illusion of happy-ever-after vanished. I began to realize such thing never existed. I was left cold; an empty shell of a person who does not believe in love.

After a year of being together, I broke things off with my last, I didn’t want to drag him further into believing that I still hold a high regard for him. Even though I did not believe in love, I wasn’t entirely heartless. He tried to change my mind but I was adamant. I was not sorry to have done so.

I was free. I loved the feeling of being unfettered. However, my freedom felt somewhat empty despite having friends and family to share all my joys with. I shrugged away that nugatory feeling and firmly promised myself to live a life of singleness until the end of my days (with 30 or so cats) much to the surprise of my friends who knew me to be like Samantha Jones of Sex and the City.

More than year of singledom had passed and, for a lark, I joined a dating site. There, I met him: Louie. I was annoyingly taken out from that dating site. I wasn’t sure why. I followed their rules to the letter but I was removed nonetheless. It annoyed me but I was glad that we got to exchange numbers before hand.

February 7, 2015. I never knew what had transpired that fateful day. I would never know what kind of voodoo magic, planetary alignment thingy had happened that I found myself falling for him as our conversations progressed. I only knew that I wasn’t looking for love. It took me some time to figure out that Love eventually found me.

He asked me to be his. I said yes.

Je suis très reconnaissant a cause de toi. Je t’aime beaucoup.(I am very thankful because of you. I love you very much.)

I’m thankful that Fate–and that dating app–brought us together. I would never have met him had it not been for that nagging curiosity that I should download that app and use it. I’m thankful that he found me. Out of the million fishies in that pond, he singled me out and reeled me in. He saved me from a romance-less life and made me believe in Love again.

Lately though, he and I are seemingly balancing over the precipice of LDR doomed-ness (this may be my imagination of course but it is still scary).

Communication is one of the key elements for an LDR to stay alive and thriving. We lack that or it has dwindled from almost-everyday texts/calls to every-other-day texts/calls to twice-a-week texts.

It was hard.

I’m the kind of person who needs/thrives in the time and attention of someone I love. It was difficult adjusting to that sort of frequency and I would often get angry. I knew he was busy with a lot of things as opposed to me having a lot of free time. We had a huge row one day and I was more scared of losing him than winning the argument. It was at that moment that I learned something.

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I learned to be grateful. I’m still adjusting to how scarcely we talk. I know he is burdened with part-time jobs and school, and I am grateful for every bit of his time he could spare just so he could talk to me. It is better than not talking to me at all…ever.

Je suis reconnaissant pour les petites choses. (I am thankful for the little things)

I am thankful that he has been patient with me. I had realized that I was rather annoying at times and would often bug him about the things that are bothering him.

I am thankful for the times he would sing to me, choosing the songs that best describe us as a couple, and making my heart leap with happiness.

Sometimes, the little things in life mean the most.

-Ellen Hopkins

I am grateful that he managed to ram his way through the protective walls of my withered heart and took care of it.

He may not be the most attentive boyfriend in the world (and he has his reasons)but I am thankful that I had fallen irrevocably in love with this knucklehead.

And I’m happy.

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Do you have something to be thankful for in your relationship?

Inspired by the prompt: THANKFUL

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5 thoughts on “Finding Love: Encore

  1. Lol I’m also a hopeless romantic :), and I loveeee Mr.Darcy, I have literally watched all his movies and series. I know how you feel, been there, actually I’m still there. I get so irritated by the fact he is busier than me, I wish it was the other way round. Still learning to deal with it although it gets difficult!

    Liked by 1 person

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