It’s the question that every woman dream of hearing from their significant other. For me, I somehow dread it for several reasons.
Firstly, I had been proposed to before (circa 2000-something) and the guy turned out to be quite abusive in the end. Don’t worry, we broke up a long time ago.Traumatized? Yup! Secondly, the responsibility.And lastly, the relationship could still end.
Okay, that wasn’t several but at least I enumerated three. I considered his proposal for several days. I stayed up most nights contemplating, thinking hard, and brooding over the question over and over. It’s a huge step; a risk. Is it a risk that I’m willing to take? I had taken a gamble the moment I stepped into this relationship. Is another one worth it?
During the weeks since that proposal, we still communicated albeit a bit sparingly due to the different time zones we’re in and work schedules. Not even once had he brought up the question during those Viber calls. He called me ‘Wifey’.
The content of our conversations mostly consisted of how one’s day went and other minuscule changes that had happened. From time to time, we talked about new video games that are going to be released or shared opinions on a particular video game we had both played. During those times though, I felt an empty ache like something is missing. I was anxious. I was scared. I was lonely. I was hurt. I felt a myriad of emotions and I couldn’t explain why. All I know was that I wanted…needed to hear IT again. It was then I realized that I wanted to risk it after all.
My heart wanted it. Ached for it.
My brain, obviously, was against it.
As February rolled into March, I couldn’t ignore my heart any longer. It hurt. It ached. I was in pain. Have you ever experienced anything like that at all? Something so soul consuming that rational people find so mind-boggling? I realized that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as a stereotypical spinster (with 30 or so cats to keep me company til the end of my days). I recognized then that I was irrevocably, deep-in-the-quagmire in love with him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I couldn’t fathom what my life would be without him. We’re already a couple, so why not move on to the next step?
He called one day.
He called to see how I was doing and to apologize for not leaving me messages when he had time to do so. “How’s my wifey?”
“I’m okay,” I said. I paused then, “Hubby, ask me again.”
“You know. That question.”
I can sense him smile at the other end of the line. “Will you marry me?”
In my mind, I was imagining him getting down on one knee and presenting me with the ring.
“Yes,” I said. “A thousand times yes.”
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Author’s Note: Title (of same name) was inspired by Yeng Constantino’s song to her hubby. Click this–> view me! <– to view video.
I am a…
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